11 habits to improve communication with your spouse
It is without a doubt that a relationship thrives where communication exists.
It is easy to get burned out after juggling jobs, and attending meetings, while still trying to listen to the needs of your kids. I am a mom of 3, and It took me quitting my 2 jobs to realize the bridge in communication between myself and my partner.
This is not me saying you should quit your job, but here is something I have learned over the years, and that is communication is key to happiness in any successful relationship which makes sense because how would you actually understand the needs of your partner, how they want to be loved when they are happy when they are sad when there is no actual communication?
A relationship without communication will just be more like strangers cohabiting together.
This article will teach you healthy, safe, and inexpensive habits that will help improve your communication with your spouse and further enhance your relationship.
- Be intentional about spending time with each other.
- Create routine activities, you both love.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions to your partner.
- Try to process your feelings.
- Listen to understand.
- Stop avoiding the issue.
- Avoid mind-reading games.
- Be direct.
- Validate their feelings.
- Check your tone.
- Appreciate their efforts.
1. Be Intentional about spending time with each other:
I said “intentional” because that is what it takes, intentionality.
Because it won’t always be convenient but efforts must be made. It is a way of showing your partner that you want this relationship to work and you are willing to give in to make it work.
2. Create routine activities you both love:
This is one of my favorite things to do. I and my husband have routine activities we do together and it helps us bond more and gives room for us to communicate.
For my husband and I, some of our favorite things to do is going to dinner, attending concerts, traveling, watching movies, taking the children out, and going bike riding.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions to your partner:
This consciously or unconsciously sends a message to your partner that you see them and that you are as committed to learning more about them.
This could be as simple as asking “How are you” and meaning it, “How was your day”? “What did you eat during lunch today”?, “What do you think about the movie”? “Did you get enough sleep last night?
All these are relevant questions that can help your partner open up to you and as we know conversation leads to another conversation.
N.B It is crucial you monitor the mood of your partner before asking certain questions. If for instance your partner just gets back from work and asks for time to freshen up and relax, please don’t be pushy and insist on asking questions.
You already know how that might end!
4. Try to process your feelings:
Give yourself the time to process your feelings, and understand the situation and why it is making you feel that way, and take time to understand yourself before talking to your partner. This will let your partner understand you better.
5. Listen to understand:
This is by far one of the biggest communication issues a lot of people experience these days, people don’t listen to understand, they listen to reply.
As much as it is important to communicate your feelings, it is also as important to practice active listening. Try to understand the perspective of your partner and how they feel about certain things and situations.
6. Stop avoiding the issue:
It is unhealthy to avoid issues in your relationship. When you have issues with your partner, it is best to speak as soon as possible.
Talk about it, you may be surprised that your partner did not even realize how much their actions or words affected you. Talking about it will help your partner understand you better.
7. Avoid mind-reading games:
Avoid any game of trying to read your partner’s mind. It is a thief of joy.
It will leave you with fears, assumptions, and insecurities.And that on its own can affect the level of communication with your partner.
8. Be direct:
There should be no beating around the bush when it comes to communication with your partner. You should be very clear and direct about your emotions, needs, how you want to be loved, how you want to be touched, etc.
9. Validate their feelings:
Remember that your relationship is not just a relationship, but a partnership, and in any partnership, the interest of both parties need to be considered.
So don’t be too quick to invalidate the feelings of your spouse even though it seems like the smallest things, it matters to them and it should matter to you as well.
10. Check your tone:
In communication, tone is everything. It is important to always put a check on your tone and be sure to communicate in the most considerate and loving way.
11. Appreciate their efforts:
When you talk to your partner about your feelings, and you start to see them make conscious efforts to do better, appreciate them. No matter how small, the most important thing is that they are trying. It will make them know feel seen and encourage them to do better.
Conclusion:
Ultimately, the more you learn about your partner, on a deeper level, the more honest and vulnerable they can be with you. And remember, It’s no longer “you”, or “me”, it’s now “us”, or “we”. So remember you are doing it for the good of the family and with the interest of your relationship at heart.
If you live in NYC and you are looking for a professional therapist, contact me at @comfortcirclemft.com and tell me where you are and I’ll help you the rest of the way.
ROSEMARY POWELL, MS, LMFT
Psychotherapist | Marriage & Family Therapist
